Understanding our 6-in-1 Personality for Effective Communication

When I first heard that we all have a 6-in-1 personality, I thought it was a crazy theory because my first impulse was to relate such a trait to a Multiple Personality Disorder (now formally known Dissociative Identity Disorder).

But after attending a 2-day course on Transactional Analysis, I gained invaluable insights into effective communication. I was very privileged and delighted to have Mr Abe Wagner as the course trainer, who could effortlessly weave hilarious jokes and sprinkle everyday examples into profound psychological theories, rendering them easy-to-understand and interesting to untrained layman like me!

Here are the 6 personalities existing in varying degrees in all of us (blue=positive, red=negative):
1. Nurturing Parent: understanding and sensitive
2. Adult: logical and reasonable
3. Natural Child: emotional and spontaneous
4. Critical Parent: sarcastic and demeaning
5. Rebellious Child: goes against control and authority
6. Compliant Child: overly meek and self-protective

The key to effective communication is to always take on the blue personalities. It's difficult for me to say more - if you are interested, you could find a good summary here.

For now, I just want to share one simple rule which stuck with me after the 2-day crash course: always see things from the other person's point of view (one of Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people too!)

I feel that if we could just pause and always try to understand the other person first before airing our views, we would make huge leaps in communicating more effectively:o)

Comments

XXYXX said…
Hi David

In your description of the ego-states (or 6 personalities, as you've called them) I think you've confused the common appearence of the ego-state with all the ways it can appear.

So, to take the Nurturing Parent, it is true that usually this ego-state has a positive aspect, as Nurturing is generally a good thing. However, too much nurturing can become bad. The negative Nurturing Parent is smothering: stifling and stunting the growth of a child by being over protective, giving the child fearful messages about the world and the amount of risk they can undertake.

Equally the Critical Parent (more properlly called the Controlling Parent) is often very negative and undermining. However, their is a positive side to the Controlling Parent: setting appropriate boundaries, teaching social manners and ethical systems, and insisting on rules that keep you safe.

The Rebellious Adapted Child can be positive in the face of repressive and authoritarian societies, organisations and people, or more simple, it can get you what you want in the face the face of pressure to be compliant.

The Compliant Adapted Child can also be positive, allowing you to be socially skilled in adapting to social situations, helping you to make friends.

The Free (Natural) Child can also be negative when freely expressing himself, by thirsting for thrill seeking dangerous behaviours.

Finally, the Adult is neither positive nor negative, it is just the here and now.

Hope that helps.

/ rob
http://www.tastudent.org.uk
David Woon said…
Thanks Rob for your insightful analysis!

In fact, I had also raised similar concerns to the trainer about the benefits of the Critical Parent state especially in disciplining children.

I guess the general rule of moderation in all things applies here as well - extremist positions (overly nurturing, overly natural/free) should be avoided.

I feel that transactional analysis simply shows that it is generally better to be in the positive ego-states, without ruling out exceptions.
My view is that we are born as adult as the adult ego-state relates to here and now experience. With this in mind, and if this is true, we must be born as Adult. Child and Parent then are fragments of the Adult ego-state. One could say that they are emotional wounds relating to the hear and now experiences that we are subjected to.

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