A Spiritual Autopsy

Today is the 100th-day death anniversary of my Dad, Vincent Woon.

I'm close to my Dad. In fact, among my siblings (2 brothers and 1 sister), I believe I'm the closest to him, being the youngest as well as having the same Catholic faith with him.

I miss him... but the busyness of life (yes even during my 2-week-long holiday!) doesn't give me the luxury of time to reminisce our wonderful times together - perhaps our modern society is moving too fast and we risk losing our humanity and becoming more like unfeeling machines if we don't slow down...

This afternoon, our family "visited" my Dad at the columbarium to say a short prayer. It was a short session with little verbal exchanges but it was a nice feeling to be together as a family, remembering someone so close to our hearts.

And at 3pm, our close church friends gathered at my Mom's place for a short memorial service. Their presence meant a lot to us and spoke volumes of how my Dad had touched their lives in one way or another. We were not sad because our faith tells us that death is not an end but a beginning, and that we'll see him again.

Well, tomorrow I'll start work and I really doubt I will have time to write this entry, so I'm gonna finish it tonight because I strongly feel that we can all learn something from my Dad's simple yet fulfilling life and that we can gain insights on our own mortality and face the new year with renewed gusto and a more meaningful perspective.

In my quest for the ultimate meaning of life, I've read and studied many relevant topics like philosophy, theology, religion, science, history but I think nothing comes close to a real-life example without big words, dizzy theories and boring lengthy exegeses!

I shall now begin the spiritual autopsy of my Dad's life - to understand not only how he lived, but how he bore his sufferings with heroic patience and how he faced death with an invincible peace.

Biodata
Sex: Male
Age: 80
Race: Chinese (Cantonese)
Nationality: Singaporean
Faith: Catholicism


I would make a 'Y incision", splitting his life into 3 key segments:
1. Before his conversion to Catholicism (1929-1989)
2. After his conversion to Catholicism (1990-2005)
3. After his stroke (2006-2009)

Before Conversion
My Dad was quite an intellectual at his time, completing Secondary 4 studies. He was a technician at Singapore Telecoms (aka Singtel) for over 30 years. He made a decent living, providing well for his family, giving his children as high an education as their academic abilities would allow. He also spent time with his family, bringing them out for picnics, movies and visits to tourist attraction sites.

However, he scored low points for connecting with his family - he was the traditional Chinese patriarch, stern, strict and authoritative; showing his love through practical actions rather than words/emotions. He had few friends too because of his quiet nature.

Being a modern man of science, he was not interested in religion. But he still accompanied my Mom, who's a devout Catholic, to church, week after week without fail! Of course, my Mom tried to convert him but was not very successful. She persevered in prayer and then a miracle occurred... after more than 17 years of marriage!

After Conversion
On 24 Nov 1990, my Dad was baptised in Blessed Sacrament Church. He was already attending Mass regularly before his conversion, so you can imagine his dedication after his conversion! He studied the Bible regularly, attended Catholic Neighbourhood Group (CNG) meetings and eventually became a group leader in the Ghim Moh CNG.

I enjoyed the CNG meetings with him as he was always asking simple yet thought-provoking questions which helped everyone grow in faith. He was also the handyman in the group, helping the church, CNG members and even neighbours with plumbing, electrical and carpentry problems; resurrecting "dead" fans was his specialty!

Not only was he an active church member, a helpful neighbour, he also became an active family member, supporting family activities as well as opening up more to his children. 

He was more approachable and fun too - we enjoyed playing mahjong and big-two with him! There was once my Mom chided him for playing badly, resulting in a bad loss for both of them - she was bombarding him non-stop when her dentures fell out and we all laughed till tears flowed uncontrollably!!!

After the Stroke
On 28 Jan 2006, the eve of Chinese New Year, he suffered a massive and totally unexpected stroke. We were all shocked because we were supposed to be happily celebrating Chinese New Year together. One moment he was healthy, enjoying life to the fullest, the next moment he was paralysed (left half of his body), unable to speak nor enjoy food - he had to be fed through an NG tube.

The initial weeks were hell for him, an active hands-on person. He couldn't express himself and resorted to banging the bed, squeezing anything within range of his strong right hand; we all had our fair share of bruises, my Mom bearing the brunt of it. The changing of the NG tube was another terrible ordeal because it was difficult to insert it properly and every attempt was agonising because of the pain in the throat caused by the intrusion of the tube. I have yet to witness a more heartrending scene...

What followed were months and months of physical therapy, acupuncture, massages, accompanied by pain and sufferings in the form of constipation, infections, fevers and ad-hoc hospital admissions. Months became years and the most demoralising fact was that he showed little improvement after all the efforts.

The most amazing thing of all was that he accepted his condition with serenity, without bitterness nor despair. Though he can't pray audibly, his patience with suffering was possibly the best prayer he had ever prayed and the best inspiration to all of us! It is one thing to know that suffering is part and parcel of life and can be beneficial when offered for the reparation of sins and conversion of the world, it is another thing to actually suffer intensely without any light at the end of the tunnel...

I can only attribute his heroism to his faith. He was prepared spiritually and was strengthened by the prayers of his family and the community as well as their love. On 26 Sep 2009, he finally became victorious and went home to be with his God, to whom he had remained faithful to the very end.

Autopsy Conclusion
His conversion to Catholicism was clearly a key turning point in his life. Whatever happened between his conversion and his stroke not only made him a better and happier person but also prepared him well for the onslaught of life's inevitable sufferings. The peace that radiated from him during the final hours cannot be explained in a logical and physical manner, there is something spiritual at work; Science calls it an anomaly... Christians call it Faith. My brother, who's a freethinker, summarised everything perfectly in his brief eulogy during the funeral Mass here:

Thank you Dad for all that you've done for us and for showing us the path to a full life! We'll miss you till we meet again.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7)